


What I Want

by sillyboyblue



Category: The Hitcher (1986)
Genre: M/M, i want to die, jim takes care of john, suicidal john ryder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-07 23:47:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8821099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sillyboyblue/pseuds/sillyboyblue
Summary: What does John Ryder want ?





	

Jim had just thrown John out of his car after the man had pulled a knife on him and forced him to say four words. But once the moment of euphoria had worn off, doubts overcame Jim. 

Of course, he was grateful to be alive, but he could not help thinking about the man he had abandoned on the road. Had he killed him ? And even if he had not, there was a risk that he would be another roadkill. Jim did not want to have a dead man on his conscience, even if this man was a psychotic killer. He thought that maybe John would not kill him if he saved him. 

Jim turned the car and drove back to the spot where he had left John. There was a chance that John had gotten up and walked away. It appeared that luck was not on John's side. 

He was still sprawled on the cement. Was he dead ? Jim could not tell. He stopped the car and walked over to the motionless man.   
John was lying on his back, with one hand resting on his belly and the other one on his chest. John must have passed out from the pain rather than the impact. Jim saw that he had two broken fingers from the swelling around his joints.   
Jim checked John's breathing. It was normal. He sighed in relief. 

Jim dragged John to safety on the side of the road. He undid the first buttons of John's shirt, unbuckled his belt and used his coat to prop his feet up. 

It was only when he was done that he realized his mistake. John would be mad at him for throwing him off the car. John had lost his knife, but it did not matter because he would strangle Jim to death, even with two broken fingers.

Jim could leave John here now that he had made sure that he would not die. He considered going back to the car and was about to do so when something stopped him. He slowly drove next to John, so that the car cast a shadow on him. He did not want John to wake up with a sunstroke.

Why was he doing all of this ? He had so many questions, but the most important ones were about the four words that John had wanted him to say so much. What did they mean to him ?

Jim sat down and leaned against the wheel of his car, waiting for John to wake up. Which he did hours later as Jim had fallen asleep. 

John's mouth felt like sandpaper and his throat was as dry as the desert when he rasped.

"Hi, kid."

Jim woke up with a jolt and sat upright. John was still slightly dazed and did not immediately register what was happening nor what had happened to him.

"Don't move." said the kid. He opened the car door and picked up his thermos. John felt a hand at the back of his neck gently lift his head up and the bottleneck pressed against his lips.

"Drink." ordered the kid and John did as he was told and closed his eyes again. The cool water cleared his mind enough for him to be baffled by Jim's attentions toward him. 

Jim left John some time to recover before asking questions, as well as to organize them in his head. 

John's face betrayed pain and Jim realized that he had left his fingers untreated. He went back to the car to snatch the first-aid kit and wrapped a bandage around John's fingers. Jim had never done that before. John let out a hiss of pain.

"Sorry." 

When he considered that John was awake enough, Jim asked him his first question.

"What would you have done to me if I had said those four words ?"

John was not in the mood to answer any question, but after what Jim had done for him, he owed him one.

"I would have killed you."

John's answer did not seem to satisfy Jim, but then again what did he expect ? 

"Why ?"

John was already getting tired of answering Jim's questions.

"Because you would have asked for it."

It made sense. Jim was not sure, but he had seen something in John's eyes earlier in the car.

"But you said them too."

John had planned on not answering any more question. So Jim spoke again.

"Did you mean them ?"

That was it. Jim had seen right through John's death game. When he saw that John was not responding, Jim sat closer to him.

"Are you okay ?"

John avoided Jim's eyes by staring at the stars. They had been his only companions for so long. John was a lonely man

"No."

John was not a happy man. Had he ever been ? If so, he could not recall. His eyes regained their focus and he turned his head to lock his gaze with Jim's.

"I want to die."

He truly meant it this time. 

"I want you to kill me."

John sounded so desperate. He did not expect anything from life anymore. He was at the end of the line.

"I can't." moaned Jim.

John was disappointed. He thought he had found the right person. It appeared that he had been wrong. Jim was no different than the others. He felt betrayed.

"Why are you doing this to me ?"

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in two hours which is a new personal record !


End file.
